Today I delivered Owen’s birthday hampers. Finally. Seven months after his birthday. My goal was to spend the time between Owen’s birthday in March and Mother’s day in May gathering items for the hampers. And all was going well. And then we got the phone call saying we were getting a baby boy. A precious little baby brother for Owen. And everything was put on hold for a while.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
My little Owen would be thirty-one months old today. Past the two-and-a-half mark, working his was towards three. It's strange to think of, because to me he is still a tiny newborn, cradled in my arms. Thirty-one months of missing my sweetheart, but only a moment for him. How I miss you, my little bean. How very much I love you. Happy birthday, little one...
Sunday, October 17, 2010
We went to the pumpkin patch today – your daddy, your sister, and I. And sitting on the hayride, the sky a brilliant blue, I remembered so clearly the year we took you to the pumpkin patch. You were so tiny – just a little bigger than a pumpkin seed in my belly. I’m so glad we took you there. So glad we didn’t wait until you’d been born into the world. I missed you today - missed holding your sweet little hand, or helping you carry a pumpkin. But I also felt you there with me today. There in the clear blue sky, and the brilliance of the sunshine. There in the smiles of your little sister, who speaks of you daily with such joy and such knowledge. And there in our hearts – your daddy’s and mine. Your family who loves you and misses you daily. Your family that can only ever be complete because you are a part of us – now and forever. We love you and miss you, our sweet little pumpkin. And we’re asking Jesus to give you extra kisses and cuddles from us tonight…
Friday, October 15, 2010
I am not ready to begin this blog. Not ready, but still I choose to begin. There is so much to tell of my story. So much to be done in honour of my little boys. My heart aches with missing them today. A complicated ache. Missing my Owen. Celebrating his baby sister. And missing their little brother, whom I have just so recently lost.
I celebrated my three children today, scattering rose petals at the base of a remembering tree. My daughter in my arms, we scattered petals for her brothers. Two precious babies taken from us too soon.
This blog will never be perfect. Never as perfect as it should be for my little ones, never as beautiful as they deserve for it to be. But I choose to begin. Because theirs are stories that need to be told. And the honour of telling their stories is mine.